


Everything I Wanted

by pinkpillow19



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:47:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23115715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkpillow19/pseuds/pinkpillow19
Summary: A raindrop raced the others down the glass, slower than the one before. Espresso eyes lined in red webs of veins focused on the time slowing. She shuddered as she took a breath, her lungs confused by the action, convulsing, thinking that she had stopped breathing some time ago. She didn’t have time to think about what she had done, or why, all she knew was it was everything she wanted. She tried to reach out her hand to grab something, anything to help lift herself up. But after a while her attempts only produced a slight tremor in her hand. She could feel the emptiness inside of her subsiding, it stopped feeling cold. She relaxed and stopped fighting to move. She felt the base of a song in her mind lulling her into a deeper space in her mind.She let go.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Everyone! Just wanted to get this up before I forgot about it. I will be rewriting in the future but for now, enjoy. Also in the process of editing - it's 2AM stick with me :)
> 
> Huge Billie Eilish fan. Plus my gf liked this song

A raindrop raced the others down the glass, slower than the one before. Espresso eyes lined in red webs of veins focused on the time slowing. She shuddered as she took a breath, her lungs confused by the action, convulsing, thinking that she had stopped breathing some time ago. She didn’t have time to think about what she had done, or why, all she knew was it was everything she wanted. She tried to reach out her hand to grab something, anything to help lift herself up. But after a while, her attempts only produced a slight tremor in her hand. She could feel the emptiness inside of her subsiding, it stopped feeling cold. She relaxed and stopped fighting to move. She felt the base of a song in her mind lulling her into a deeper space in her mind. 

She let go.

\-----------------------------------

She got everything she wanted. Every night. For the next month. 

So she kept trying.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

September 13th.

Regina stood next to her car in the frigid winter air. Her hair slightly blowing, as she started to lose time. She watched the water until she couldn’t feel anything anymore. She glanced around, she had been here for hours, and no one had come for her. Not her son, no concerned citizen wondering why the mayor had driven her car up on the docks, pensively staring at the sea.

Regina took off her coat. A feeling of numbness over-road her senses to the world around her. Without meaning to, she found herself in her car. Her seatbelt on, from a habit formed a while ago, and her body jumping in what would surely become frostbite. She heard more than felt her car come to life. Her eyes trained on the approaching horizon. 

Her body tossed like a doll when her car hit something hard, then started to settle. Disoriented she tried to watch the fading skyline. She tried to breathe. A slow glance flicking to her phone that was now lighting up. Her eyes were too marred with tears to read what it said. She turned up the music. It got dark.

She felt the base. She felt the lyrics, as if a lullaby. She sighed in relief. She would get her happy ending. 

She started to choke.

Then….

She was awake.


	2. Chapter 2

Regina flung herself to the floor expecting to throw up gallons of water, only to not have a drop exit her mouth.

She was breathing hard, clutching at her heart. She brought her knees to her chest, as her body still instinctively gasped for air. She lay her head down and closed her eyes to find her darkness that she had found so comforting. She hadn’t realized how loud she had been until she heard a light knock on her door,

But she was too exhausted to move. The sound stopped, and footsteps retreated down the hall.

After what could have been hours, she slid to the floor. And continued dreaming.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sept 15th

Regina had been invited to dinner with the Charmings, well by one of the Charmings, Emma. She was shocked and elated, until she noticed the hesitance on Henry’s face. She instantly deflated. She thanked Emma and made her excuses. Offering a sad smile in gratitude.

Regina decided to walk home when someone knocked her off her path, she groaned. Her knees scraping as she hit the pavement. When she was able to stand, the person was gone. She held in her tears, she would be home soon.

Her key was stuck in the lock, she knocked into the door a few times, successfully banging her blood-stained knees on the door, disgracing the premium finish. In a moment of frustration, she let her head drop forward onto the door, only for that to start a pounding headache. That continued when she finally got inside. 

She poured a glass of something strong, a dark liquid swirling in a crystal glass. She drank, and drank. Somewhere along the line, she had ended up in the bathroom, crying. A bottle of pills spilled, quite a few missing.

She looked up and noticed her eyes. They seemed off.

She looked closer, her eyes sliding back to the pills. The other day had felt so real. And if she were honest with herself it seemed that she had been planning for this. She took a moment to step back. She shook her head, was Henry home tonight?

Suddenly her adrenaline was rushing. She almost screamed but her thoughts seemed underwater. She felt like she was pushing her way through mud. Finally, she got to Henry’s room. Her heart hurt and didn’t feel...right. She was slow and quiet as to not wake the son that might be in his bed fast asleep off in his own dreamland.

His bed was made and empty. Regina sighed in relief. She was alone. She felt unsteady so she lay on his bed. Her vision started to bounce, as if her body were trying to shock her awake. She tried to grab a blanket and heard someone shout.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Regina woke up this time with a light stream of blood dripping from her lip. She wiped it and looked around. She was back in her bed. A beat sang in her skin, and she shivered. She looked around. Her bathroom, pills were undisturbed. Her son’s room, he was sound asleep. She pulled on her robe and went to start breakfast at 4 AM.

\------------------------------------------------------------

She knew these weren’t dreams, they couldn’t be. But why did she keep…. Coming back. She felt something beating inside of her skin again. Had that always been there? Was that magic?

She felt the need to claw it out, but she didn’t.

She went to work instead. She tried to smile, even at Snow and Emma, who had been in the breakroom discussing something seemingly important. Before Regina walked in and they went silent.

Regina brushed her hair out of her face and went to set the coffee maker on.

Emma and Snow exchanged a look but Snow dragged Emma from the room before she could engage.

Regina dropped her coffee on herself, her hands trembling. She didn’t scream as she felt the hot liquid burning her. She waited for the throbbing to normalize and then walked back to her office to change. 

She must have fallen asleep on her desk somewhere along the way because her phone flashed with a missed call. A voicemail screaming for her attention. Her eyes lit up when she saw Henry’s number. She pressed play, hoping his voice would help ground her. His voice rushed a forced apology about how he wouldn’t make dinner tonight, that he had a family dinner at the Charmings, and that he should probably just stay over as it was a school night. The click to end the message made Regina jump. She had been expecting some sort of ‘bye mom, love you”. 

She finally stood from her chair wiping away tears.   
She went home.

She didn’t remember anything after that. Only feelings that were now becoming way too familiar returning to her. 

Her body jumped in surprise as Emma’s horrified face was in front of hers screaming and screaming, too close. 

Emma was shouting something, was it at her? She tried to focus. There was something all over Emma, was it ink? Where had that idiot found a bucket of ink?

She felt her body move again and this time was being lifted. Her tired eyes opened again only to a clearer vision of the blond. Emma’s face was contorted in pain and she was asking Regina to do something… Regina looked down at her body and promptly started to throw up. Emma hugged her to her chest, were they outside?

Emma tripped and suddenly they were on the ground. The blond trembling, shaking her head back and forth.

“I’m a fucking idiot! I-I... why would you leave us? Why didn’t you call me? I… I can fix this!” Her hands reached out and her magic sparked and tried to ignite. The best Emma could call forward was a light that illuminated the brunette, but did nothing to slow the energy quickly leaving her body.

The last thing Regina saw was Emma crying into her chest.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	3. Chapter 3

Regina bolted upright. She had to get to Emma, she had to explain. She ran from her room. She didn’t check on Henry, she didn’t lock the house, or grab keys, or stop to put on shoes. She ran as fast as her feet would carry her to town hall. She tried to open the Sheriff's door, but it was locked. She started banging on it like a crazy person -- shouting.

“Emma! … EMMA!”

Someone tentatively grabbed her shoulder from behind. Hands rose in defense as she whipped around.

“Hey! It’s me. I’m here. What’s wrong?” Emma’s eyes were wide looking around as if expecting some imminent danger.

“Where is it?!” the blond shouted, looking for something they could dive behind.

Regina grabbed her and wrapped her arms around her.

“I'm sorry! I-I couldn’t help it, I…”

Emma was rigid in her arms. Regina felt hands grab her shoulders and coax her back about a foot. Emma’s eyes scanning her in disbelief.

“Are you alright? You… you’re not… really dressed.” She took note of the lack of shoes and the silk tank top that didn’t leave much to the imagination with the brunette evidently braless.

Regina’s brows furrowed in confusion. No. she had just been with Emma. She had been… dying, and Emma had been pleading with her. Offering her anything, promising her that she would fix this.

Regina’s head started to pound and her ears started to ring. Emma caught her as she started to collapse.

“Hey let’s get you to your couch. Your office is… Uhm to the right… right?” the blond flailing in her adrenaline rush.

Regina felt her body cradled against strong arms and a warm chest.  
\-------------------------------------------------------  
The brunette woke to fingers running through her hair. Alert green eyes tracking her face for movement. 

“Fuck finally! You’ve been out five minutes!” 

Regina closed her eyes at the volume and Emma scooted back, hand falling from her dark locks.

“Shit Regina, you almost gave me a heart attack. What the hell?” Her eyes wide, arms attempting to cross in annoyance but not quite knowing how to decide which arm needed to go on top…

Regina looked down and noticed her body was no longer bloody and she gave a real smile.

“It’s… gone?”

Emma stood and took a step back, “What is happening.”

Regina moved to sit up, Emma jumping in to steady her, a bit too close. Her eyes rising to see that green ones looked right back at hers, close enough to feel the air she was breathing out.

As Regina closed her eyes to try and grasp where she was, what day it was, where she had been, Emma started to look her over for injuries.

“Did you hit your head? Are you sick?” A slightly clammy hand clasped over her forehead.

Brown eyes rolled.

“I’m fine. I just… was disoriented…”

Emma squatted in front of her. Her hand, raising fingers in front of dark eyes.

“How many fingers am I holding up?” 

A tan hand smacking them away.

“I can count you idiot.” a deep voice growled. 

Green eyes flashed.

“Well I wouldn’t know that now would I? Because you refused to do it!” She walked towards Regina’s desk with quick rigid movements.

Dark eyes tracking her, “What do you think you are doing?”

Shoulders rolled as Emma searched for Regina’s cell phone.

“Calling the damn hospital, clearly you need some help.” Before she could dial she felt a body collide with hers.

“Stop it! Don’t… do… that.” A huff as Emma held Regina off.

“I’m freaked out Regina, I don’t know if you are having a breakdown, are about to drop dead!”

Regina sat on her desk and put her hand to her chest, catching her breath…

“I… I’m not sure what’s …. happening.”

Emma tried to relax given Regina’s successful attempts to calm down. Well, slightly.

“Let me help you.” Emma set the phone down.

Regina looked around the room. She felt the pulsing start again in her skin, but if she tried, she could focus on Emma.

“I… had a … dream. I guess.” She shrugged. “It’s nothing, just… I must not have been fully awake, is all.”

Emma’s bull shit detector started screaming at her. She waited. She took a moment, and then a few moments more to try and calm her own racing heart. She and Regina weren’t friends, quite honestly, when the woman had thrown her arms around her she had thought, well thought a moment too late, that it had been an attack.

When she could tell they seemed to both be breathing a bit more normally, she tried again.

“So what was your nightmare about?” Emma moved to the chair to give the brunette more space.

“Don’t tell me you’re worried about reelection. Despite how this town may feel about you, I think they know no one else would even know how to do your job…” She tried a bit of a laugh at the end, it didn’t seem to reach its target.

Regina had started to shiver, it was cold in here. And she was just starting to notice her state of undress. Her hands slowly traced up her body to cover her chest.

She started to pull her guard up.

“Perhaps I am a bit sick. I should go home and lay down… have my secretary push my meetings to tomorrow. I think I must have the flu.”

Before she could walk away Emma grabbed her arm.

Regina froze waiting for something bad to happen, instead, she watched Emma remove her sweater, and hold it out to her.

“You can’t walk home in that. I think I have some gym shorts in my bag. Give me a minute and I'll drive you home.”

Regina was left staring at the dark gray sweater as the blond was back in no time spouting gym shorts and a pair of sweatpants gripped in her hand.

“Lucky for you, I had a pair of these, don’t think you would fit in my actual pants,” She said with amusement in her eyes, as her eyes tried not to stray to Regina’s ass for too long.

Regina took a moment to figure out where Emma was looking and then smacked her in the arm.

“Sherif!” Emma turned around laughing and fighting her off.

“I’m sorry. Don’t come to work naked!”

Regina smacked her again for good measure. When she was sure Emma was staying turned around she slipped on the sweater and yanked the pants out of the blond's hands.

Emma turned with her hands covering her eyes.

“Are we decent now? Your majesty?”

The brunette snorted.  
“I am now affronted with your poor idea of clothing but yes, I would suppose you should be able to control yourself now.”

Emma opened her hands. Regina looked a bit warmer.

“Let’s get you home before my car turns into a pumpkin or something." She slipped off her shoes.

Brown eyes looked wary. “Why are you also not wearing shoes now Miss Swan? This may be news to you but my lack of any was not a fashion statement."

Emma scooted them closer with her foot. “Anyone would expect me to forget my shoes. I take it, you never would.”

Regina watched as Emma left assuming she would follow. She audibly sighed in relief when the thick warm boots warmed her chilled feet.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stayed up late fixing up this chapter. sorry if any errors! Enjoy!

“Thank you for the ride home. I will return your clothes tomorrow…”

Emma lifted a hand to wave her off, “Oh no. Not having the Mayor run out half-naked again on my watch. I’m staying for a bit. Make sure you don’t get up to any trouble.”

Regina glanced at her empty home, about to argue when she heard a door shut and felt her’s open. A pale had encouraged her to reach up. 

Brown eyes rolled, “Emma…”

Emma sat into her hip and moved her hand to the hood of the car and leaned in.

“So we're back to first names again? You must have really liked my shoes…” Her bright smile had Regina flushing.

Regina nodded absently, “They are warm.” She looked down admiring the fuzzy boots. They weren’t quite UGGs but they were pretty cozy nonetheless.

A pale hand tried again. “You can keep them on, let’s get you inside though.”

Regina didn’t know why she was anxious. This was just Emma... Miss Swan.    
  
Emma helped her from the car and guided her into the house. She settled her on the couch with a fire. Regina watched the scene feeling helpless for what to do with herself.

The brunette kept ringing her hands and looking for some kind of escape. An excuse to get Emma on her way and to get her stomach to stop all of the turning that was starting to make her feel quite sick. As she watched Emma move around her thoughts drifted. 

In her wildest dreams, she wouldn’t have ever thought Emma would be in her home looking after her. Then again she never thought Emma would cry over her demise. She would have thought Emma would have been relieved to see her go. No more fighting over Henry, no one wondering which side of the moral compass Regina fell on this week. If Regina were Emma she would have been relieved, wouldn’t she?

She waited for the emptiness to come crashing in. But no matter how hard she tried to remind herself that she was alone in this world, that no one would miss her, Emma’s presence seemed to keep her darkness at bay, and she didn’t know how she felt about that.

She couldn’t open up to Emma. She would have her locked up. The blond would either think she was crazy or quickly put her on suicide watch. No, she would need to play this safe. Tell Emma what she wanted to hear, and get on with her life, or what time she had left with it.

Emma went to work making tea and finding the thermometer despite a few sounds Regina just knew were things being knocked over into her sink.

She tried to stay awake until Emma returned, to start to assure the blond that all was well, but sleep claimed her.

When she awoke she didn’t know what time it was, or what day it was. She was in her living room with a fire blazing, a blond head of hair poking at the firewood.

“Fuck why did I stack them like that…”

She heard a quiet laugh and turned around, to find brown orbs entertained.

“Hey, you live.” Emma moved to join the brunette on the couch so she could finally check her temperature.

The brunette rubbed at her tired eyes. Feeling the red webs that weren’t visible anymore start to sting under the surface. She tried to get her thoughts together. Looking up she frowned as her vision started to come into focus. 

Regina glared at Emma when a plastic stick was raised to her face.

“You can’t be serious?”

Emma nodded, “Look. You’re not dying on my watch...”

Regina’s eyes clouded over for a moment. And for a split second she wasn’t in her living room anymore she was in her car, everything going dark. The next moment, she was in Henry’s room as she just needed to lie down. And finally, she was outside in Emma’s arms,

“You’re not dying! Not on my watch!”

Emma reached for her, the impact of the touch shaking her from her vision, causing her to jump slightly. But those were different nights, that was a different Emma, she wasn’t on death’s door, not tonight. 

Emma shifted uncomfortably her eyes searching for Regina’s.

“I said, you’re not dying on my watch. Wow, your skin feels really cold…”

Regina pulled back and lifted the blanket that had been around her legs up to her shoulders.

“Sorry. I run cold.” Her eyes avoided Emma’s. She moved her hands up and down her arms to try and bring some warmth back to them. When was the last time she was this cold? Was it in the bottom of the lake? Was it the night her mother threw her outside for the night, for refusing to wear a dress on her 9th birthday?

Emma opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She could tell Regina was deep in thought and didn’t want to interrupt. When she started to grow worried she reached for her again, slower this time. 

Regina stood and walked toward her spirits table.

“Drink?”

Emma shook her head, her hand lowering to the couch. “You know what, I’m good. Are you sure you should be drinking?”

Regina knocked back a shot.

“I just needed to take the edge off. You are in my house, after all, Miss Swan…”

Emma clasped her hands together in her lap feeling self conscious for the first time in a long time.

“I’m sorry I’m in your home. Once I know you’re ok I’ll take off.” Almost as if a last-ditch effort to keep the conversation going and not get catapulted out on her ass the blond finally asked what she wanted to know, “What was your dream about?”

Regina poured another shot, spilling a good bit on the tray beneath the alcohol. Hopefully, her house guest didn’t notice. 

“What dream?” She feigned innocence. Some time had passed, she had slept. Maybe she could brush this all under the rug. Her hand hesitated at bringing the glass to her mouth a second time.

Emma rolled her shoulders, prepping to a fight. She knew Regina didn’t like to be pushed, but she had a feeling that something about this whole situation was… bad.

“The one that had you racing to come find me. Did… something happen to me?” 

Emma searched a back for answers when the darker woman turned.

“Why would…” she was about to say ‘cared’ but the look on the blond’s face was so concerned, so determined, she felt bad. 

She let her voice trail off then tried to amend her statement. She stilled her shaking hands. And bring a false sense of calm into her voice. She was a bit quieter then she was a moment ago. 

“No Emma, you were ok. Everything was alright in the end. No need to worry.” She let her politicians smile grace her face. She used to be able to manipulate anyone. Her husband and Snow white thought she loved them, her mother thought she was a good girl that would do whatever she wanted, Daniel had thought she was worth saving… her chest tightened. 

Regina could feel her lies. Her throat bobbed with the emotions she tried to swallow down. She hadn’t regretted ending her life any of the nights, not until the last one. The look on Emma’s face, that pain, she understood that. She had donned that same look years ago when her best friend, her love was killed in front of her. She knew that the Emma who found her that night had been utterly destroyed. She just needed to be smarter this time, more cunning. She wanted to lie to herself but it did feel good to have someone care that she was gone, to know that her existence left a mark on someone. 

“Emma?”

Green watching the fire moved to connect with her own.

“Thank you. For today. I know I didn’t deserve it.” She felt the hollowness start to appear, then recede at the blond’s voice.

“Regina come on…”

Regina’s hand drifted to her stomach. She blinked hard as she felt water start to collect behind her eyes. She wouldn’t cry in front of Emma, she couldn’t. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Emma wasn’t leaving any time soon. She rotated her glass in her hands trying to find the words to continue. Would Emma send her to an institution? Would she be seen as any more of a danger than whenever her evil queen side reared its ugly head? Could she trust her…

She wasn’t sure, her walls were built so high over the years, so she waded in slowly. 

“What if I told you, I know what happened wasn’t a dream?” Her eyes tracking the blond's face to catch every emotion that flickered across her pale complexion. 

Emma sat up a bit straighter. “Wait. Like you are reliving today? Like groundhog day?”

Regina swirled her dark liquid, “Maybe in a way. The days haven’t been repeating… but some, events, have…”

Emma was hanging on her every word. 

“What kind of events?”

Regina sipped her drink, she crossed her arms “Car… accident.”

Emma stood and reached for the brunette’s drink. “You’re lying. Why?”

Regina let her take it. “I’m not.” She tried to force her face to do what she wanted. But she knew her mind was flashing images of how distraught Emma had been over having to her let her go.

“It doesn’t matter Emma, it didn’t stick anyways.” Regina moved around the taller woman. Trying quickly to remove herself from the conversation. This wouldn’t go well and she needed to stop before this escalated. She was fine, she was being emotional. What were the changes that she would try again...or succeed. 

“I think I am going to go to bed, I’m tired.” She heard Emma follow her to the stairwell. She hopped Emma would give up and go home, but a part of her wanted Emma to stay, to see if Emma could...help her. 

“Wait, hold on. You’re just going to go to bed? Regina, we have to figure out what’s happening! Why time keeps repeating!” Emma's voice was agitated, challenging, urging Regina to let the truth slip past her lips.

“I’m not certain Emma. It shouldn’t be…”

She could hear Emma trailing her up the stairs, and she let her.

Until she pushed her door open she could hear the floor creak at the top of the stairs, but no closer did the blond dare venture. 

“How… how many times did this b.s. “Car accident” happen?” Emma’s voice was soft, like a lover's caress. Regina almost believed that Emma really might hold a place in her heart for her. But why would the blond do something so stupid? 

Regina leaned on the door.

“Enough to know, everything I wanted won’t come that easily. Goodnight Ms. Swan...”

Emma stepped closer, and after further deliberation moved closer still. When she came within reach her hands found a hold on Regina’s hips. Regina thought she was going to push her up against the door and make her try and feel something, instead, she felt strong arms slip around her waist.

“Don’t. Please...” Her words broke, but Regina felt them.

Emma started to cry. Emma had been here before. She had never thought that she would be having this moment with Regina. She had been in the system long enough to lose quite a few people to their own demons. She didn’t want to add one more name to that list. She couldn’t. 

Regina was overwhelmed. “Emma, I’m ok. I...I’m not going to do anything. What’s gotten into you?” her voice hoarse. 

Emma held on tighter. “How many nights Regina?”

Regina blinked back tears, she fought to keep her voice steady. She let out a slow breath. “Maybe a month?”

Emma felt her tears soak the soft material of the brunette’s sweater. 

Regina tried once more, “Emma, really I am fine. I just was a bit out of sorts today. I just need some sleep I promise…”

Emma became angry, she pushed back from Regina and started shouting.

“Stop lying! How dare you! How dare you try to leave this town, your son! How dare you do something like that to Henry! You say my superpower doesn’t work but I know it does...” Emma wiped at her face in anger.

Tan hands lifting to placate the woman, “Emma calm down! You’re starting to scare me…” If she could just shift the focus off herself and calm the blond down, maybe she could convince her that she was wrong, this was all just a bad dream, no impending doom. 

Blond hair shook as it was whipped back and forth. Emma’s hands slid through her own light curls tugging at the roots. Clearly starting to have a panic attack. Her heart racing and her face rapidly growing pale

“Am I wrong? Tell me I’m wrong!” She knew by the guilty look in brown eyes she was onto something. 

Regina sighed and her voice became very quiet, “I just want to be free. My son doesn’t love me, no one cares about me. Everyone still sees me as the Evil Queen, and that’s all they are ever going to see. Why should I still be here? For you to rescue? What is a savior with no one to save, hm?”

Emma glared, “You don’t even know me.”

Regina advanced rolling her eyes, arms crossed trying to cut herself off. “Of course I do. You’re just like me….

Emma pushed Regina back. 

“I am NOT like you. I’m not blind to when people give a damn about me. Why do you think I’m here? I knew you weren’t ok, I’m not stupid. Despite what you think.”

Emma took a step back toward the stairs but didn’t leave.

“I knew that look you gave me today. You regretted it, I know you did. You wanted help, you wanted me to help you, and I may not remember yesterday but I swear if you ever try again I will find you and I will find a way to stop you. You’re worth more than just one story Regina. You deserve a life.”

The brunette was overcome with emotion and settled for rage, it was safer. Who did Emma think she was? She didn’t need saving. 

“You’re not my savior.” She put her hands up, and she magic-ed Emma away. She didn’t need Emma to save her. She didn't.


	5. Chapter 5

Emma spent that night crying in her parent’s bathroom. Refusing to unlock the door for anyone. For the first time since coming to Storybrooke and becoming ‘The Savior’ she felt completely and utterly hopeless. She couldn’t save Regina, she couldn’t help her. What was she going to do, babysit her indefinitely? One of these nights, and most likely one soon, she would get that dreaded call to Mifflin street. How long will Regina have been lying there on her own? Alone. 

She didn’t want to think about this anymore, but she couldn’t help it. She pulled her cell phone from her pocket and rubbed her eyes until she could see through the wetness. She dialed Regina’s number and waited. 

The call went unanswered. She groaned but tried again. Straight to voicemail. She texted, too many times. 

_ Look. I am sorry for how I reacted earlier. That’s not what you needed. I understand that. But you can’t just keep ending your life. One of these times it’s going to work. Remember why you ran to my office to find me? That will be real! How will Henry ever be ok again? How will my mom? She still loves you, you know that? _

Emma ignored her parents and her son on the other side of the door. She needed space. After she thought everyone had gone to bed she heard a light scraping sound at the bathroom door. She looked up from her crumpled position on the floor and saw a dark outline.

“Emma, sweetheart?”

Emma’s eyes took on a new swell of tears and within moments Snow was pulling her up into a sitting position and into a hug.

“We are all really worried about you honey. You’ve been in here for hours.” Snow could feel Emma slightly rocking herself, but she didn’t attempt to pull away.

Emma took a few shallow breaths, “I’m not the savior mom. I can’t even save her…”

Snow pulled back a little to try and see a bit of her daughter’s face in the moonlight.

“Who sweetheart?” her hand lightly brushing away the hairs covering Emma’s face.

Emma looked up and shook her head, “She’ll kill me…” she added a sad laugh at the end that started turning into a sob until Snow started to rub her arm.

Snow sighed and lay her head against Emma’s.

“I couldn’t save her either.”

Emma sniffled, “Who?” Had Regina run to Snow too? Did Snow know about any of this?

Snow watched the soothing effect she had on her daughter and smiled to herself. She may not have been able to help her stepmom a long time ago, but at least she could help Emma.

“When the darkness takes hold of her… it’s more than terrifying. She just... fades away.”

Snow took a breath and seemed to get lost in a memory, 

“Once, when I was 13, I watched her step off of her balcony. I called out to her and she just turned around and stared through me, like she was already gone.”

Snow’s posture collapsed a little, “Funny that the same woman survived that fall and went from a state like that to one of rage and determination. A part of me was relieved when she started to go after me, to hunt me. I knew at least...she wouldn’t disappear.”

Snow squeezed Emma. “It’s not your fault you know. It’s not your job to save everyone. I know there has been a lot of pressure on you ever since you’ve come to Storybrooke. Whatever good you can do, that’s enough. Maybe she’ll come around and fight her demons, maybe she won’t. She knows you're here now, if she needs you. And I’ve got you if anything happens, I’m not losing you again. We will get through this, as a family.”

Emma wiped at her nose. Unable to settle the feeling that Regina was a part of her family too. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! Hope you have enjoyed this short story :) let me know your thoughts when you finish. Should I add an epilogue?

It took Emma a week. Then she finally went back to work. 

She turned on her radio on her computer, and  _ Everything I Wanted _ started to play. She sighed and drummed her fingers to the beat. She hadn’t seen Regina. She didn’t know how many nights the brunette was here and how many she wasn't. The woman had called Henry last night to say goodnight and her son had told her his mom wanted to speak to her as well, but she hung up. Leaving Henry to look at Emma in confusion.

She watched the rain race down the window in the sheriff's office and felt hopeless. The song from her computer slightly echoed around the room. It had a nice beat and the vocals were so soothing, especially for such a dark song. 

She started to sing along quietly when a coffee was set in front of her face and she went silent. The mayor awkwardly stood in front of her holding a second cup.

“You’re ignoring my calls.” The brunette sipped her coffee for the strength she needed, trying to keep her face neutral, though inside of her a storm was ragging. 

Emma didn’t know if this was her goodbye, Regina’s note, whatever.

The blond took her coffee in her hands but didn't drink. Keeping her eyes focused on the woman in front of her. 

Regina broke eye contact, moving around the desk, and clearing her throat.

“Emma...”

Emma pulled her puffy gray jacket closer around herself, stealing herself for what was to come. 

“You’re still here. For today?” trying to sound uninterested, probably failing miserably. 

Regina nodded. “I’m here. Today.” She started to fidget with the effect of the caffeine, something apparently her body hadn’t needed this morning. In particular, for this meeting. She was on edge enough as it was. 

Emma sipped her coffee, “Good, then I can plan my day without wondering when I’m going to get a 911 call to Mifflin Street.” she sounded childishly passive-aggressive, and she knew her attitude surely wouldn’t help things. 

Regina turned to the window, noticing something for the first time. She turned around, recognition lighting her eyes.

“This song…” she gestured with her hand.

Emma glanced back at her laptop. She finally took a sip of her coffee, perfectly sugary--just like she liked it. 

“It’s Billie Eilish.”

Regina nodded with a small smile, looking around the room for a hint at how to explain. 

“This song… it has magic.”

Emma looked back at the computer.

“What! How? No, she’s just from LA. Just a normal 17-year-old emo girl. Nothing magical.”

Regina’s chest grew warm at the song.

“Oh that’s not a young child, that’s something very powerful. I… was listening to this song… the first time…I ended my life.”

She looked around and lowered her voice.

“The time I drove my car off the docks.”

Emma looked shocked, Regina hadn’t told her how she had died before. She tried to push the image of that scene far from her mind.

Regina moved to sit on the window sill, “This song, it’s an extension of life. It’s a small curse. A wish to allow those who are lost, a bit more time. Time to right a mistake, and find something… to live for.”

Regina brushed away a tear. She sighed.

“This song kept me alive. But now that I know, the magic is undone.”

She smiled sadly, “I was going to ask you to grab a coffee, but I couldn’t find you anywhere. Maybe we could go tomorrow? If that’s something… you want?” her cheeks flushing slightly. She wanted to scrub the hint of pink away before the blond could notice it, but she held still. 

Emma’s eyes found Regina’s warily, not quite believing what she was hearing, “As in… tomorrow, tomorrow? You’ll… be around?” her voice holding a hint of hope. She wanted to believe Regina would be here tomorrow, and for every day that followed. 

Regina rolled her eyes, in good humor for once.

“Yes, Swan. That would be the day. And I think I can arrange that.” a hesitant smile appearing. 

Emma started to smile, “If you’re around, I think I would like that.”

Regina turned to leave, and as Emma stood to watch her go, the brunette remembered she forgot something.

She marched back up to Emma, the blond standing stock still in confusion. The brunette looked her straight in the eyes, her own dropping to Emma’s mouth with a smirk, and drifting back up to her eyes.

“Until tomorrow.” And as Emma’s eyes dropped to the floor in disappointment, she felt a light press to her cheek.

She knew that for her and Regina, there would be many tomorrows.


End file.
